The game starts. I am left alone in the sea. There are two options, swim or drown. Maybe the weather or the cold sea will make me weak. I am here to swim and I will swim even if I don’t like it. I will win.
For the majority of the people, summer is the season when happiness becomes the meaning of a life. I don’t like that. Most of the time I hate summer. I hate the extremely hot weather that burns your skin. I hate the loneliness that summer has. I hate being left alone, a habit that I have the last years. I hate that other people are happy. I hate the sun. I hate the sea. I hate the saltiness it has that sticks in your body for the rest of the day.
Maybe I hate all these things so much because I love them in an extremely way.
I like winter when hearts and souls are cold and closed and they are looking desperate for a warm breath of yours.
There are times in your life when you have to take real decisions . Not like chooses you take in a take-away restaurant. ”Should I take fried fries or just a burger and a cola?.” That time has come for me.
Before my trip to Holland which actually was the best thing I have ever done in a long long time, I was unsure and I was always saying "I will decided about where I want to study tomorrow, next week or next month maybe, I have time" I used to say. But really I don’t have any at all. Everything goes fast and with speed like life.
People say “How do you imagine your life in ten or twelve years from now?” The only answer I have is “I want to be happy”. Maybe that sounds a bit poetical or like an artistic shit, I don’t mind. And then people always say “Yes, of course you will be happy in ten – twelve years, but is that want do you really want? Come on, like living in a big house with a really nice man in your bed site or with a nice flat in a busy and expensive neighborhood somewhere like in New York or London or even in Paris as a creative person you are.” Sometimes I don’t understand why people take happiness for granted like it’s a hot pizza that always waits for you in the oven when you are in need.
All I want is to be is happy. The last day when I was in Holland a small voice in my head was keep saying that this is the place where I want to spend my college years, where I want to fall in love, where I want to be hurt, where I want to make friendships that will last forever. I know that it will be hard to succeed but nothing in life comes easy. And yes that goddamn 5 or 6 days I was there I was super happy like a 5 year old that gets here favourite present from Santa. Deep inside of me I knew that that happiness was unique. And that was the time when I had me answer.
I’m Dimitra, I want to study in TU/e, I want to be an industrial designer and I will be happy.
Last night I had a really good time. First I went to a party which was pretty great and then I had a crazy after midnight experience which lasted until 4am. My advice for you, don’t drink too much alcohol at night even if you have problems with life. It doesn’t only make you look like an drunk idiot but also the next day you feel twice as fucked as yesterday. And of course it doesn’t solve your problems, it makes them bigger.